Thursday, November 24, 2005

dreaming in company

i woke up this morning, uneasy from a disturbing dream. it was only in the last few minutes of the dream that things got weird, and i wonder if it wasn't due to the morning light abruptly hitting my face, or the temperature in my sleeping bag becoming noticably warmer. regardless, it forced me awake, and got me off the couch to find my brother-in-law hard at work on an assignment due tomorrow for his class. his presence quickly rid me of my queasiness, and i felt i was able to discern what was reality in my dream and what wasn't.

i wasn't always able to do that. when i was very young, i remember having a dream about heaven and hell that took place on the two floors of my house. after having dreamnt that i walked down our staircase, through the kitchen and into the family room to find the devil twirl around in a chair, see me and start chasing after me till i ran up to the upstairs' bluish, hazy heaven, i sleptwalked (is that how you say it?) the entire dream again. it was terrifying.

i had that dream a few more times as a child. but i gradually understood that i had the choice not to walk downstairs - either in my dream or in reality - and that i could avoid the devil if i stayed upstairs.

dreams fascinate me. as an adult, i notice one recurring theme in my bad dreams. at some point, i'll end up in a hotel or someone else's house with someone i know well. and always, two men in letter jackets appear knocking boldly at the door. and they always want my friend. the men are too old to be wearing letter jackets; they're probably in their mid-20s. but as soon as they knock, my stomach drops. i make my friend stay far away, though she never feels nervous, but listens to my instructions anyhow. in the meantime, the boys are still knocking, their conversation and calls to my friend sounding like an invitation for a teenage night of fun and revelry, something light and free. but when i look through the peep hole, they can see me and their eyes look destructive ... it gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

anyway, all of this makes me thankful that i don't live alone. it's so much better to wake up near someone and get a reailty check. be near someone who loves you - a roommate, a brother-in-law, family - and think, phew. safe.

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