savored

i've been on a writing halt. i've been making this list in my head of conversations or thoughts or experiences or musings that are blog-worthy, but when it actually comes time to writing, i feel like it'll end up as a detailed event schedule:

friday, 9:00 am - meet goldberg family and bs my way through conversation on admission policies at seattle's best private schools (seriously, stash that in "details they left out of the job description").

friday, 11 pm - drive to corner pocket for pool with girlfriends. non-milwaukee team loses to milwaukee team with my sad knock of the 8-ball into the pocket. losing by default does not, however, imply that the other team wins. no one wins in a "losing by default" game. why does no one understand that?!?

saturday, 1:00 pm - eat at joy yee's, a chinatown restaurant recently closed for rats and pestilence. ignore the furry scurrying felt on feet under table and enjoy spicy green beans and orange beef.

saturday, 3:30 pm - walk around chicago's millennium park and discover a gazillion more reasons why chicago is one of the coolest cities in the world.

sunday, 11:00 am - breakfast at uncommon ground with two of my favorite people on the planet.

here's the thing. i care so much about these moments. i care that my friends drove all the way to chicago to celebrate each other. i care that our conversations were sometimes slow, sometimes beautiful, sometimes funny, sometimes emotional. i care about this day. i care.

i've been tired of forgetting to care. 3 years of my life have gone by and i don't remember them the way i remember every single year of high school or college. 3 years. 3 years!!! what if someone had come to me my senior year of college and explained that the next three years would be a blur? not just because my memory really is aging. not just because i'm spending more time trying to pump myself up to go the gym because the combination of my slowing metabolism and my spurts of rejecting the treadmill are actually beginning to age me, but because i'm too busy thinking about what's to come. not even future future talk, but even in thinking about the next day or the day after that or the coming weekend. i'm tired of forgetting to care about loving this minute.

ok, ok. i know i'm starting to sound like your high school's motivational retreat speaker. and you can roll your eyes and gag. but this is important to me. i want to be a great lover of life. i want to remember my 25th year. i want to laugh about it. i want to think about it fondly when i'm old. i want to see jesus in every moment. want to savor every little piece. want to spend my life loving Him and doing things that are good. like loving my friends better. and listening to them better. and spending money rightly. i don't want to forget that my life is not my own. i don't want to turn 50 one day and wonder what happened in the last 50 years. i want to know them, because my heart, my mind and my soul were actively engaged in living them.

i am so hopeful, so happy that ALL of that is possible.