train of thought

i'm wearing a white sweater and drinking a strawberry smoothie. which would be fine if i didn't have a bunch of events today. daring indeed. i was hungry when i went to the cafeteria, but the lunch options suggested otherwise. so i left with only my strawberry smoothie and the hope that i'll scrounge up enough cash here, there, and everywhere in my purse to treat myself to a decent lunch out. eventually.

today's a busy day. and the rest of the week is busy. so busy that the idea of it all invaded my dreams last night. i woke up a few times concerned about my clothes not being ironed or people not showing up or everything just falling together in front of me. and yet, the only real feeling i could latch on to in my dream was one of, "are you kidding? fine, whatever."

friends, this is what they call burn out.

so i got to work a little on my resume last night. regardless of what happens, it'll be good to update that thing (speaking of, am i supposed to keep my GPA on there 4 years after i've graduated?).

i admit, however, i was a little distracted listening to humphrey bogart and ingrid bergman as rick and ilsa discuss their tormented love affair in casablanca. katherine was watching it by herself in the family room, but "as time goes by" drew me away from the computer.

let's be honest. ilsa put herself in a hard place. so you think your husband is dead and you mourn for months and then you fall in love again? okay, but then send a message to your new boyfriend and TELL HIM that your husband is still alive. i think honesty would have saved them a lot of drama. i'm not saying it wouldn't have still really, really sucked for rick and ilsa, but, c'mon. of course rick is going to act like a jerk if you stood him up on the train platform the day you're supposed to take off together. and she should have been honest with laszlo as well.

i do feel the movie makes some true assessments. your heart can fall in love many times. there's not just ONE person in the world meant for you. and sometimes it blows because different people can call certain parts of your heart to your life. i think that's what ilsa discovered. i mean, harry and sally discuss it in their movie as well. what do you choose? a super passionate relationship with a bartender who's a little bit crooked? or a relationship with a visionary willing to die for something bigger but with whom you'll always come in second?

ugh.

Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.

ah yes, one of the greatest movie lines of all time. i'll raise my strawberry smoothie (very carefully) to that.