i'm so whiny
wednesday, 1:05 p.m.
i took an abbreviated lunch today, running upstairs to grab a quick meal before the cafeteria shut down. since i came much after my development office co-workers, i sat instead with our librarian and an admissions officer. our conversation was pleasant, and both the librarian and admissions officer got a chance to share stories about their children's wedding hooplas, their travel plans for summer, etc. meanwhile, at the next table over - where half of my office sat - laughter erupted, the storyteller beamed and immediately, she delved into a new tale.
i don't miss that table. i mean, i'm sure i'll be back there tomorrow when we all leave for lunch together, but i get tired of it. i get tired of listening to this one person tell story after story while everyone else sits in silence. and yes, she IS funny, she IS a fantastic storyteller, but she does not excel in conversation. how often have i sat at that table and wondered what everyone else was thinking? at any given table, there is a wealth of personal joys, disappointments, etc. and so i hate when people don't get to share ... i think we love the sound of our own voices too much.
i'm guilty of it, i know. i subject all my friends to way too many tales of personal drama. what i need is some self-control. but beyond that, i hope when i'm at a table, people feel they can share their stories. any story. how many times have you, have i, sat down with someone and never actually LISTENED to them?
fine if the dialogue-dominating lunchtime lady from my office wants a stage and a microphone. but can't she leave the cafeteria tables to the rest of us?
posted by Mary @ 11:05 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I hear you Mary. Mmmm…as a recovering talker I confess that it wasn’t that what I had to say was more exciting. It was actually that I felt the invisible, incredible pressure to impress and delight. Searching to be redeemed, searching to be of value. It will help ease the frustration of listening to dialogue-dominating lunchtime lady with this in mind.
“There is a certain freedom in getting our feelings of redemption from God and not other people.” – Donald Miller
so...I figured now that you actually know me, it's okay to post on your blog...and, frankly, I still am the lunch-table talker...especially when I'm nervous or tired. I tend to ramble and tell people inane details in a kind of sarcastic way that allows them to laugh while secretly wishing I would shut up! And what happens, you may ask, when I seriously ask a friend if I really do talk too much? They respond with a cordial, but strained, "Oh, don't be silly! You're funny!" like that makes it okay to dominate the conversation. This long comment is only evidence of my disease! Please help...
jenn, i'm totally right there with you! and i think part of my annoyance with lunchtime lady is that i'm jealous that she gets all the attention for being funny when i feel like saying, "no! look at me! i'm funny, too!"
i am frozen in writing anymore. already i have shown my deep ugly colors. but it's true, it's hard to know this balance. and for all my 4 years of communication classes in college, why do i still not understand how to submit to the ways of good conversation? argh, i frustrate myself.
maybe she is intimadated because you are such a great conversationalist...
i for one love your voice AND your stories AND your questions (most of the time). i'll let you know if i ever get annoyed with the ever present voice of mary. not likely. you do the same for me. (because sometimes i feel like i talk way too much as well... my fear of silence in uncomfortable situations)
it would be funny for you two to start competing for convo time. see what the group dynamics are then. you might find that everyone else stops coming and it would be the battle of you and the current lunch lady converstaion dominator.
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