August is Blogging Hiatus Month

I swear. It's true. The vast majority of my blogging friends have disappeared. So whilst everyone is on vacation (or - gasp! - raptured? Shoot, must check traffic reports about recently unmanned vehicles), I'll divulge a bit ...

1. As a whole, guys are funnier than girls. *sigh* It's a hard admission to make, but after years of protesting otherwise, I've come to this perceived truth. I'm not saying there aren't funny women out there - my mother, Starra, and Jenn all come to mind - but it's my experience that I actually writhe in pain laughing more when I'm with men than not.

2. Perhaps I should have listed this first ... I've been criticized for believing women to be a superior species. My acknowledgment of the above revelation forces me to concede that perhaps men and women are equal.

3. It should come as no surprise then that I've also been called a feminazi.

4. I don't know what triggered it, but since high school, I've wanted to marry a Jew for Jesus.

5. I've been in love once in my life. The real kind. It didn't work out so I built up a big 'ol wall around my heart. I spent the last year trying to take it down. But I am still not so sure if I am any good at being in love anymore.

6. I once told an old HS boyfriend that I broke up with him because of God (which was partially true), but it was really mostly because I hated his car.

7. I've had seven major crushes in my life. The first one - in 8th grade - was on a guy named Mike who sat next to me during science class. He won me over by singing Pearl Jam songs and touching my arm with his pencil while he "zambonied" the table. Ahhh, if only I were still so easily impressed.

8. Though I often bemoan the state of my Gutus Maximus (honestly, it sounds better than saying "flabby belly"), I secretly think it is one of my best features. Thanks are due to my freshman year roommate, Val, who constantly rubbed her tummy and told me that a round belly was not only beautifully feminine, but also would keep my ovaries warm and ready till I chose to conceive.

9. When I think of heaven, I think of two things: One, being welcomed into a house completely furnished and finding in the wardrobe a beautiful white dress that flatters me and fits me flawlessly. Then Jesus and I run through tall grasses like we were in Prince Edward Island, reliving scenes from Anne of Green Gables. And two, planning an enormously large and extravagant party with the perfect lighting, music and food. Jesus and I lean on the balcony railing, and feel our hearts bursting with joy as we watch all the people laugh, dance, talk, and love each other.

10. Because I don't have my ears pierced, I am often highly-regarded by Mennonite men.

11. When walking down the street with friends, I am often perturbed when we don't "buddy up." At no point on the sidewalk should 4 people be walking in a messy row, more or less shoulder-to-shoulder. This is not okay. Buddy up, people!!

12. Even before I saw Psycho, I had a hard time closing my eyes in the shower. I still pull the curtain back just to make sure ...

13. Speaking of water, I actually had a grave fear of faucets until I was about 11. The reasoning is simple: if Dorothy could kill the Wicked Witch of the West by pouring water on her, who's to say that when you pour water out, she doesn't reappear?? Logic, people. Many thanks to my little sister, Paula, for bravely turning the faucet on and not making fun of me during those years.

14. I want someone to pay me to meet and talk with people at coffee shops and over meals. I would like bonus points for connecting them to other people.

15. I am not a leader; I am a facilitator.

16. I am strong-willed and stubborn. My dad used to say I was a smart-aleck (side note: I googled that word, and found this. I had no idea)

17. According to my memory, things at home were really bad when mom was talking to dad and he said "bologna."

18. My mom is too hard on herself. I often wish she would stop it and just let me love her.

19. One of my favorite things about my parents is when they do the dishes with their arms wrapped around each other. It makes the phrase "gettin' HOT in the kitchen" seem wonderfully romantic.

20. I want to own a Bed and Breakfast north of San Francisco, watch movies on a gigantic screen in the backyard, listen to records, invite everyone to stay for a week, or a month, or a year, and I want to be happy. I also want to be the kind of woman God dreams for me to be; I want this more than anything.

21. I wish someone would prophecy over me. Anytime it happens in public, I always think, "oooh! me next!" but then it hits me that maybe the person can sense that I want it too much or that I feel like it's the christian's version of a crystal ball (and seriously, maybe i'm not supposed to want to know what's gonna happen, but i still have a little desire to want to), and then I get afraid that she'll see some awful, disgusting, horrible thing in me and that's what she'll point out in front of everyone.

22. In the [paraphrased] words of Anne Lamott, "I think too much. I tried to get my mind to take up a hobby like macrame, but it wouldn't listen."

23. I am ending this post because I am going to give myself a facial now (not because I'm going to the gym, like I told everyone).