Wednesday, February 02, 2005

spotlight on exhausted pride

in the morning, i often wish i were everyone else on the street. i wish i could step into their shoes if even just for a day, to have the conversations they normally have, to meet the people they meet, to answer to the bosses they answer to, to eat the food they eat, all that. what was that show called with scott bakula (sp?) - ah yes, quantum leap. that's the kind of show i think should return to television. but i digress ...

anyway, i've got a load of work ahead of me for the next 10 days. i am feeling better about it since i started exercising again (okay, so it's only been two days, but it's the first two days in a LONG time) and since i got 8 hours of sleep last night. i feel more refreshed. a friend of mine gave me a quote from bill thrasher the other day about how god didn't create us to be burnt out. and that if that's how we're feeling, it's not from god. so, shoot. that's how i'm feeling. i require a complete change of priorities.

last night, we were at moody's founders week where jim cymbala spoke. and as i'm sitting in the huge moody church, i'm noting how hard my heart is towards all these christians. and these voices in my head are criticizing the way everyone dresses (so old school conservatively), expressing annoyance at the amount of christianese in the speeches, etc. but simultaneously i'm thinking, soften your heart, mary. shut your mouth. let god speak. and after all these battling words, i finally felt conviction.

when the new MBI president spoke last night, he mentioned boasting in god. and he repeated it many times. boast in god. boast in what He's doing. boast in God. and all of the sudden it appeared: my pride, there revealed in the light like a little bitty person living in my heart. but instead of running from being found, i felt relieved. and the little person fell into the light, exhausted.

empty, foolish pride. i am glad you were found.

4 Comments:

At 11:28 AM, Blogger allan said...

I read this before we went to Founders Week yesterday afternoon.

"Two educated doctors are angrily discussing the nature of food, and allowing their meal to lie untasted, while a simple countryman is eating as heartily as he can of that which is set before him.  The religious world is full of faultfinders, critics, and skeptics, who, like the doctors, fight over Christianity without profit either to themselves or others; and those are far happier who imitate the farmer and feed upon the Word of God, which is the true food of the soul."   
-Charles H Spurgeon

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger jenn said...

I have severely experienced the hardening of my heart towards Christians of all shapes and sizes. God really convicted me on Sunday, as I asked him once again to show me His desire for my life...but the thing that came to my mind wasn't a grand vision, but a word...submission. In my heart He just repeated it over and over..."Learn to submit".

Believing this would also mean to concede defeat to people I believe are wrong about a lot of things, I have always been hesitant to submit to any authority. As much as I have always sensed that God has designed me to lead, even more so He desires me to be a submitted follower.

But the great thing about conviction, as opposed to guilt, is that it is sweet and transforming. Thanks for sharing so personally.

 
At 2:07 PM, Blogger Adam said...

sometimes I wish I could step inside your life for a little while...

you are about the most interesting deep thinking person I know...

great post...

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger me said...

Mary B-- what up girl? Very cool realization, very cool. However, I think that sometimes it's a very good thing to have a sort of righteous indignation towards too much "christianese." I mean, Jesus didn't say "Go out and make a world only a special clique can understand," did he? I felt like that sometimes toward the end of college and sometimes now, too. It really makes me glad to know that Paul used the unnamed god statue in Rome to try to reach the Romans in their own culture. It's definitely a good thing to step back and check your own vocabulary sometimes-- there's a breakdown in pride to do that, too.

Pride-- sheesh, sneaky little thing's everywhere!

p.s.-- You have great music tastes-- Griffin House is coming to Chicago to play with Trent Dabbs. You should seriously go to this concert and bring friends. Playing in Minneapolis and Madison this weekend. Almost wish I was there-- you know, if it wasn't so cold. ; )

love-melissa

 

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