indie when i want to be

so i'm listening to wilco at work today while signing gazillions of holiday cards for our constituents, and am reminded of a conversation i had this past sunday about green bay's music scene.

betsy's mom, betsy, jim, and i were standing around after church when wilco came up in conversation. very casually, mrs. finesilver just throws out jeff tweedy's name as though he were her own son, commenting that her students aren't really familiar with the band and then simultaneously both proudly sharing and lamenting the fact that her son was one of the few to embrace music not sent via the airwaves of green bay's 101 WIXX fm.

i try to be indie, which i realize is in and of itself not indie, but i try anyway. my friends paul and dave are good enough to send me mix cds every now and then, and through them, i discovered o.a.r. and the postal service and the red house painters and denison witmer and paul westerberg. what's even better is that they don't disown me when i tell them how much tim mcgraw's "real good man" thrills me or how jesse mccartney's "beautiful soul" brings out my giddy childlike side. thanks, boys.

i tried to be indie again the other night after purchasing a pair of mid-calf high black boots (suede sugar daddy in black). i came home, pleased that my roommates hadn't yet made it back from work, snuck into my room, tucked my jeans into the boots, and threw on some graphic tee and took my stance in front of the mirror.

certainly, i don't love clothes the way my sister does, but i do love dress up. one summer, a few years ago, i was shopping with my friend dan and his then-girlfriend jenny for who-knows-what, but, regardless, we were fortunate enough to find ourselves in the dress section of marshall fields. jenny and i decided we needed a moment in the dressing room with a rather large armload of fine designs ...

i left with a $13 thin, gold thread-weaved dress that, honestly, i maybe could have worn comfortably when i was 15. but it was $13 and it was gold and it made me feel, well, sexy. and you tell me what 20-year-old girl doesn't like feeling sexy.

i swear, i've gotten more wear out of that one dress than any other in my closet. i'll never wear it in public, of course. but there are days you just want to come home and put on makeup and jewelry and a fancy dress and high heels and talk to yourself in the mirror like you were talking to the queen of england at a charity benefit.

half the outfits that i try on in the privacy of my own bedroom are things i'd never wear out. i know i'm gap girl to everyone else, with every stitch of clothing from target or old navy or, yes, the gap. but in my room, at my most creative, with just me looking in the mirror, i am so totally indie.