still sane

so i am taking my first real break of the day here at 4:11 on monday afternoon. i have an executive committee meeting tonight at 6:30 and know that if i don't take these next couple minutes out, i will lose what is left of my sanity.

okay, that's an exaggeration. i've actually been quite sane lately. except for those few moments in the past week when finishing my most recent journal and flying to new york happened to collide and so (i felt certain) suggested my imminent death. i had to make a concerted effort to imagine angels on the wings of the airplane carrying me all the way home ... as in home with a small "h" not home with a big "h" as in "the Lord has called me Home" - ugh, see how crazy i am?

anyway, i've felt exhausted nearly all weekend. i have also been increasingly bothered by this thumping in my right ear which i imagine may signal my imminent loss of hearing. kidding. kind of. but not enough to steer me away from making an appointment with my doctor next week ... remember how she sucked out that wax last time i went in to see her? well part of me wonders if she didn't also suck out something necessary to my hearing, and now, i'm destined to slowly lose all hearing till i am able to listen to is this rhythmic thump in my head. i suppose i could learn to deal with that. on the scale of all things tragic, incessant-rhythmic-thumping-in-the-head is certainly not the greatest.

besides that, i am glad to be at home. glad to be back from spring travels. work has not lessened ANY and spring is still far from dominating chicago's weather scene, but i feel fine. my friends erin and wendy are coming to chicago this weekend, my whole family is gathering the following weekend to celebrate a belated mother's day, my dad's birthday and my little sister's college graduation, lauryn hill is playing a free concert on the 24th of june and i get to make my first trip up to alpine valley to see ben harper and trey anastasio rock on stage on july 16th.

so there's lots to look forward to. but in the present, i am happiest for a couple things:

1) my brother-in-law sent an email novela out to some family folk and i loved reading it more than he will know, i'm sure. this was a raw and honest email like i haven't seen in awhile. if there weren't already a hundred gazillion reasons why he was the coolest guy in the world when my sister married him, this email confirms it. i love him.

2) i had a conversation with a very close friend here the other day about our relationship and how we can better understand each other. and i love her for being patient with my silent treatments and bad attitude. and i appreciate so much that she would remember that i wanted to talk and pursue it. i love her.

3) i love the shirt i am wearing today. it makes me feel pretty.

4) and i'm thankful that i feel there is so much more i want to write. that is a very very good feeling indeed.

more soon ...