phlegm interrupts a hearty laugh

my roommate said she's been having a hard time blogging lately. me, too. i'll stare at my fingers on the keyboard, waiting for them to punch out something really beautiful, but they just feel heavy. heavy and dumb.

and then my mind lingers and i wonder if my fingers are fatter than they once were, or how many more years i have before my veins bulge beneath the skin on my hands to tell me just how old i've gotten while i've been staring at my fingers, waiting for them to write something beautiful.

it's hard to believe i'm 24, still a kid and yet so much a grown up. i still plant my feet up on the chair, squatting in front of the computer, my chest against my knees to stay warm. but the things i write about - or wish i had the guts to write about - aren't easy anymore. it's like milk. there you are, after a long day, enjoying some chocolatey oreos and a tall glass of milk. and it's delicious. you and your friends are there around the table, talking and eating. all the cookies are finished and the last of the milk is downed. you're still at the table, talking and laughing, when you notice that you've got something in your throat. you try to clear it inconspicuously, making little cough noises when the conversation gets loud. you think you've taken care of it and embrace the liveliness of the conversation, allowing yourself a full belly laugh, which then loosens up the rest of the nasty phlegm and turns your chuckle into an awkward choking fit.

right, all i'm saying is that sometimes when you least expect it, some nasty stuff works its way into your day-to-day merriment. but that's not all i'm saying ...

if you suffer from any kind of lactose intolerance, you know that once you're in the clear, you're quite thankful to enjoy the mundane. even if apple juice and graham crackers don't look as enticing as milk and oreos, you begin to warm up to the idea. and, unsure if graham crackers could even compete in the same ballpark with oreos, you taste a little bit and mmm, yes, taste that hint of honey in those graham crackers. and, mmm, you savor the sweetness. you tilt your apple juice glass back, and oh, how quickly the memories of apple-picking in the sunshine on beautiful autumn weekends return to you.

(here's when my audience comes to mind. i know i'm a little "my cup runneth over" but i don't mean to isolate my glass half-empty readers. certainly, there's a cheerleader inside of me, turning cartwheels in my heart the way i only wish my legs and hands would have done themselves in 2nd grade when my ballet counterparts were showing off on the mats, but there's a realist in me like you, too. please understand that there are probably 32 flavors of me - just like you - but i like this scoop the best.)

anyway, not really much else to say. i'll get around to writing about my weekend one of these days soon. it was wonderful. like apple juice and graham crackers. or, if lactose intolerance isn't an issue for you, like a tall glass of milk and a fresh plate of oreos.