Monday, October 03, 2005

grace

okay, so honestly. i know i'm a nice person. i know that my parents raised me right. i know that i'm kind and polite and very loving. i know there are lots and lots of good things about me. and i love being able to celebrate the way god knit me together. so awesome.

but it's come to my attention as of late that when my pathetic, whiny, temper tantrum nasty, obnoxious, and demanding self-centered inside monster rears its ugly head, my friends still love me and challenge me to be better than i am.

do you have any idea how much grace i get in a day?

LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS.

and it reminds me that i owe all of my dear friends an enormous debt of gratitude for exhibiting such a reflection of jesus's selflessness and graciousness and commitment to me.

and even more so, to my parents: i'm sorry for all the years i was such a smart aleck. i'm sorry for throwing temper tantrums when you made me eat lima beans and wear red corduroy pants. i'm sorry for shutting my door on you when i was 13 because i just wanted to be alone, sobbing and listening to the cranberries because they understood me. i'm sorry that i hated you because i thought you were trying to ruin my social life when you refused to let me drive to white bear lake with kari the night of some massive minnesotan winter snowstorm. i'm sorry, dad, that i wouldn't let you kiss me when you got home from work if i felt you weren't letting me get my way in, well, anything i thought was important at the time. and i'm sorry, mom, that i felt so incredibly frustrated when we'd drive back home and you wouldn't let us listen to our radio station because you wanted to hear the news.

when you guys tell me you love me before we hang up on the phone these days, i feel so incredibly grateful that you are as patient as you are with me; and what's more, that you are as determined as i am to grow into our new relationship, as adult daughter and adult parents. it's all such a mystery to me how it's supposed to happen. but i'm grateful that after all these years, you still love me enough to try. i love you guys.

and, oh yes, please continue to extend me grace. i'm trying to make that "room for improvement" a much smaller space, but i still need it. LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS of it.

thank you.

2 Comments:

At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maria,

Thanks for having such an honest and transparent blog-related habit. I am not reading about you everyday, but today it was fun to click in and to hear someone be honest. You're a blessing.

Chris

 
At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mary,
You set an example worth following. Thank you.

 

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